Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
