New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
