Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?