She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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