I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
please come you make the beer taste better
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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