dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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