just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.