I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
