Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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