Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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