I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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