im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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