dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
