wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
