i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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