On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
