Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
