Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
