I accidentally had phone sex last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
