i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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