carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
