Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
