Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
