end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
