Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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