I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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