I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
