just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
