He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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