4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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