why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
