Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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