My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
