That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
