I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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