dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
