Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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