Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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