I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
