**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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