he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
