i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
