I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
