If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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