"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
