im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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