last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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