I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
