Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
