Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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