you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My cat gives me a boner
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize