my mouth tastes like poor choices
I CAN MOONWALK!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
