Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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