I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
