he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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