My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
