It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
