just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
