mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The Olympian is in my bed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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