I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
