i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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