so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
