Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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