I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
