I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
