He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
