I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
