i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
