bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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