she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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