I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
