Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
