I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
