it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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