I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
