I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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