I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
