I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
