I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
