After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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